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Sunday, July 24, 2016

Winner! And...After I Get Him to the Altar, I'll Alter Him

Thank you to everyone who participated in the CAN Scavenger Hunt. I hope you had a wonderful time. I enjoyed meeting many new friends.

And the winner of my drawing is...Drum Roll... Rhonda Gothier.

Tomorrow/Monday, July 25th, the Grand Prize Winner of the Hunt will be announced and to see the winner, check here.

Congratulations to all the winners. And thank you to everyone who participated. I really enjoyed meeting so many wonderful readers and authors. I trust you enjoyed yourselves also.


Now, I'd like to use several of my next posts about the subject: When I get him to the altar, I'll alter him. Tweet that!

That was my perspective when Larry and I married in 1970, but I didn't realize it. I just thought that was marriage. Little did I realize how much it was negatively influencing my marriage. I became manipulative and complaining because Larry wasn't cooperating with my manipulation program. 

Interestingly, we found out much later during God's healing process, that generally speaking, women try to change their husbands, but men want to keep their new brides just the same as before. It's surprising that we women and men have different expectations--and yet not so surprising because we're so different.


Here's the first myth about "altering:" 

Let's look at the relationship of Kyle and Hannah. For the most part Hannah has overcome this myth. She admits, "I was the oldest child in my family, and after my parents' divorce I was in control. I came into marriage looking for someone I could boss. I interpreted love as meaning Kyle would cooperate with my ideas. When he had different ideas about how something should be done, it seemed to spell 'rejection' to me. I felt compelled to argue and try to get my own way."

Kyle comments, "When Hannah kept trying to make me do everything her way, I finally concluded it wasn't worth the effort of going against her. I withdrew to protect myself. In many areas, I let her be boss by saying, 'Fine.'"

Hannah continues, "I knew I'd gotten my way, but deep down inside, I didn't like it. Eventually it bothered me so much I asked Kyle, 'Why did you stop talking to me?' He told me I disagreed with everything he said and it was no longer worth it. I realized he was feeling put down by my constant arguing. I'd never really seen it that way before. I called it discussions. Now I'm really trying to consider his opinion just as valid as mine. I'm also correcting my wrong idea that love means he'll do everything I say."

Ultimately, only God can meet any of our needs fully. He may choose to meet some of our needs through our mates, but in the long run, only God is a permanent source of happiness, security, significance, and contentment. God says, "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:19). By the way: there's a difference between "need" and "want."

In my next blog, I'll identify another manipulative myth:
If you change, I can be assured you won't go back to your old habits.

In the meantime, pay attention to the subtle ways you're believing the lie: "If you change, I'll get my needs met."

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