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Monday, May 25, 2015

Guest Post: "I Felt Unworthy" by Evelyn Jimenez


I'm excited to share with you a story by my friend, Evelyn Jimenez. Thank you, Evelyn, for sharing this powerful story with my readers.

I Felt Unworthy
by Evelyn Jimenez

I hated being seen using my mobility scooter! But I was in so much pain because I needed a hip replacement that it was better to use it than not go anywhere. But I still didn’t want people to see me in it. It felt like I was “less than” from being so needy. After all, I wasn’t giving a good testimony as a victorious Christian.

Of course, I knew the truth. If anyone had asked me about what I was thinking, I could say that I should depend upon my identity as a child of God! But I still feared what people were thinking of me. Certainly they must be judging me as lacking healing. 

Evelyn Jimenez
Because of that I hesitated going to an event my husband, Phillip, was eager to attend. Nick Vujicic (www.lifewithoutlimbs.org), who was born without any limbs, would be speaking. Phillip had signed up to be a counselor for those indicating they wanted to become Christians. Normally I would have done the same but I didn’t want anyone to see my neediness. But somehow my desire to hear Nick overcame my shame and I planned to just try to hide at the back of the seating at the fairgrounds.

But Phillip convinced me to stay with him when he went to the counselor meeting before the event. I sat in my little red mobility scooter, feeling embarrassed, and heard the instructions for counselors. Before I could protest and literally scoot away, Phillip slapped a counselor badge on me. 

But once he did that, I knew it was right. I normally would do that kind of thing. After all, I was a Christian speaker  who had spoken in many groups over the years and shared about Jesus to maybe a thousand people. But I still felt inadequate because of my infirmity.

Even though I hoped no one from my church would see me, I stuck out like a sore thumb. It doesn’t really work to try to blend into the crowd when you’re in a scooter. And when my church friends saw me, they were kind but I still felt embarrassed. After all, hadn’t I stopped helping with the women’s ministry at church? Hadn’t I stopped being available for speaking? And it was all because God hadn’t healed me of my affliction. What kind of “counselor” was that?

Finally the event started and after Nick spoke and invited people to come forward to become Christians, people swarmed forward. After Nick prayed for them, he called for the counselors to come forward. I tried to become invisible and felt awkward knowing I was wearing a counselor badge. I’m sure they didn’t need someone like me. When my friend leaned over and asked if I was going to go help, I gave the excuse that I needed to finish videotaping what was happening. 

I finally told myself, “Get up there!”

So I slowly turned the key on my little red mobility scooter and moved forward to the front in the crowd.

Yet I was still arguing with myself. “But I’ll have to look up at whoever it is I should talk to. That will be so awkward. This isn’t going to work!”

But then I looked to the side and something drew my attention. There at the front was someone called a “little person” in the same brand of mobility scooter like mine! It was even red like mine. In fact, it could have been its twin. And for some reason, I felt compelled to move my scooter close to her and ask, “Are you one of the people that is here to receive Christ?”

She smiled at me. “Yes, and so are my two friends that are right here next to me.”

I looked over and realized that one of those she pointed to had a disability. She only had one arm. And then when her other friend introduced herself, she had trouble talking. 

I had to inwardly smile when my new “little person” friend talked to me from her scooter. She had to look up at me!

Then I began feeling more comfortable and I easily stepped into the role that God had given me. I led all three ladies to the Lord. In one moment I went from feeling inadequate to being a confident Christian doing exactly what I was supposed to do.

I was amazed that God in His mercy was using me. I had no confidence. I had no great faith. Yet he used a broken hearted woman with the need of a new hip who was hiding in the background sitting on a little red scooter. And he used me to reach out to another person with a disability who also sat on a little red scooter. 

After I finished speaking with them and they filled out the information card, I scooted away and felt amazed at how God worked, even through me.

(Note: Evelyn had successful hip replacement surgery and is back to her normal active self!)

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