In a little while, I'll be heading to the chaos in the kitchen left over from cooking a Christmas Eve turkey dinner. I won't mention that the turkey dinner was two days ago. I chose to ignore the mess while I enjoyed Christmas Day without cleaning knowing we could just eat left-overs. The interesting thing is I'm actually looking forward to cleaning up the kitchen. That anticipation makes me ponder why I procrastinate. And I think I've come up with some inner motivations.
I love creating order out of chaos. The bigger the chaos, the bigger the order seems when the chaos is dealt with. I think this is why I tend not to pick up after myself all along the way, even though I'm not really making a healthy choice. I think, "I'll pick this up later when I can do it all at once." There's my perfectionistic "all or nothing" tendency.
The underlying motivation of that procrastination, I now realize, is because creating the resulting order is really, really satisfying. I can stand back and say, "Eureka! Look at this sparkling change! What a difference I've made! Aren't I powerful and creative?!"
Of course, this is not entirely conscious at the time. Only now am I putting the puzzle pieces together of this strategy. I've seen the puzzle pieces at times but it's not been clearly pieced together.
I hope you had a blessed Christmas and I wish you a wonderful New Year's celebration.