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Saturday, October 6, 2012

I Was Worried I Wouldn't Become A Mom



(I want to apologize if you've received a post twice. I'm switching over to a different post-sender service, and I'm still learning. So please be assured, I'm working on it and hopefully, it'll soon be rectified.)



Every once in a while, I've been focusing on having victory over worry. Here's a story about that very thing. 
After Larry and I had been married for eighteen months, we decided we wanted to begin a family. I couldn’t wait to become a mother! All my life, my dream had been to get married and have children. Plus, I hated my job! Larry and I had decided that I would only quit if I were pregnant. So I was doubly motivated!
But motivation wasn’t enough! I couldn’t get pregnant. And I was worried! Very worried! The thought of never becoming a mother was horrifying to me. God, I pleaded over and over again, I just can’t imagine that it isn’t Your will for me to have a child. Please say it’s Your will! I want a child so badly. What will I do if I can’t get pregnant?!
Month after month passed and in time, over two years had gone by. There were a few false calls and one time we even whispered to my parents that we thought I was pregnant. We rejoiced together but it wasn’t to be. And I was worried! To the point that I knew the rash which had developed on my hand was because of my worry. I scratched it nervously, wondering if God would withhold this treasured gift from me.
I kept trying to stay focused on trusting God. Lord, I want to trust You. I want to believe that You know what is best for me. Alright, I know You love me. You know what You want to do. I won’t worry about it!
But I didn’t have the power to stay trusting. Instead, my mind was like the turning of waves on a storm-tortured sea. Back and forth, back and forth, I gave my worry to God and then took it right back.
Although I never achieved complete trust in God over my worry, God graciously gave me the child I wanted almost five years into our marriage. I was thrilled and humbled that God had mercifully answered my prayer “yes” even though I hadn’t gained total victory over my worry. Yet, in the future, my failure became a point of strength because I sometimes said, “I’m not going to distrust God like I did then.” Certainly, I haven’t carried that out perfectly, but it has been a reminder to increase my trust in God when worry assails me. 
Can you think of a time when you conquered worry in an area or your struggle helps you to worry less now? God can use even imperfect obedience to draw us closer to His loving heart in trust.

2 comments:

  1. Two of my three sons are not on good terms, and I cannot think of anything that has broken my heart more. This has been going on for about 5 years. I certainly prayed to God, begged Him, and bartered with Him. In the past year, I realized that I was not "letting go, letting God." Now I have truly turned it over to God and I trust that God will help my sons. I needed to get out of the way. I can only live by example and always be there for each of my kids.

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  2. Thanks, Karen, for sharing this burden with me and my readers. We'll be praying for God's work in your sons. Isn't it wonderful to get out of the way knowing God is a better Holy Spirit than we are? Neil Anderson says (something like), "If you play the role of the HOly Spirit in someone's life, they end up doing battle with you instead of God." You have now allowed God to do battle! Yeah! Good for you!

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