How the "Cocoon of Love" Started

After I wrote in my last post about being in a cocoon of God's love and enjoying God's presence, I thought, "How did that actually happen? What caused it?" I had to think back to that last session at the conference. And I remembered that the speaker referred to Jesus riding into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey.

I don't exactly remember how it happened but I began to picture myself as one of the throng outside the walls of Jerusalem lifting up palm branches, welcoming the King, shouting, "Hosanna!" I can see Him coming, riding on the donkey, but there are so many people around that there's no way for Him to notice me in the back of such a crowd. I'm trying to wiggle myself closer but everyone is pressing in tighter. They want to get close just like I do. And just like them, my desire, no! my longing increases. "If only I could have just a moment of His time. If I could even get a glance from Him, then I'll know that He loves me. That He notices me." My intense longing for Him means everything to me. And I'm yelling along with everyone else: "Jesus! Look over here! Here I am! Hosanna to the King!"

Then suddenly the donkey stops. Jesus slips off the donkey's back. The crowd quiets and then begins to part as Jesus starts walking. And He's walking in my direction! How can this be? He certainly can't be walking towards me! Maybe there's some important official standing in back of me and He's headed for him. But Jesus' direction doesn't change and He's looking at me!

And then Jesus stands right in front of me. He's looking right in my eyes! His gaze is absolutely loving. Accepting. Welcoming. Attractive. Yet at the same time, He knows my sin, my waywardness, my selfishness. Yet along with that, there's forgiveness, grace, and mercy as He searches my eyes. The cocoon of love begins as I feel as if Jesus has wrapped His arms around me.

Within a split second, Jesus is back on the donkey, the air is filled again with the throng's cries, and I stand in awe that Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me! Not only did He notice me, He changed direction for me. I am valuable and loved.

It was that encounter with Jesus that accompanied me all the way home, enveloping me in that cocoon of love. During that drive, I enjoyed God's presence and longed for the drive to never end.

As I said in my last post, I've never felt God's presence again in that intense way to that degree. But even the memory strengthens me to long for God by enjoying Him.

How To "Long" for God: Enjoy Him!

Does "longing" for God sometimes seem like an unclear, ethereal, out-there-and-not-accessible kind of spiritual exercise? This morning as I opened the refrigerator and saw the chocolate covered donuts my wonderful husband had bought sitting pretty on the shelf (he who never buys donuts even though he was a policeman!), I felt "longing!" Oh, I could just feel my teeth biting into that soft and delicious donut. It just wasn't fair. And as I tried to turn my longing into attention to God, I really wanted the donut!!!!!

A while later I was reading in Soul Physicians, A Theology of Soul Care and Spiritual Direction by Robert W. Kellemen, Ph.D., (www.rpmministries.org) and he articulated five ways to long for God (pgs. 167-169). Now this was something I could get my teeth into! (But I'd still rather it was the donut!) His five points are:
1. Enjoy our Father
2. Entrust ourselves to Him
3. Engage in His good purposes
4. Emulate/reflect our Father
5. Exalt our Father

I'm going to explore each of those in future posts. Today, we'll talk about enjoying God.

1. Enjoy our Father. Dr. Kellemen writes, "Enjoying God is biblical, historical, and wonderful." Enjoying something or someone means we find satisfaction in them. They will satisfy what we are wanting and feeling empty about. Psalm 143:6 tells us, "I stretch out my hands to You; My soul longs for You, as a parched land. Selah." When we're feeling like a parched land in our soul and spirit, being in God's presence satisfies and fills us; and we enjoy Him. He delights in us and we delight in Him. We look to Him to be what we need--that is longing for Him, knowing He will meet with us. Dr. Kellemen quotes Jonathan Edwards, "The enjoyment of God is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied." (Edwards, "The Christian Pilgrim," in The Works of Jonathan Edwards, p. 2). No wonder Jesus said that He had food--spiritual food--which sustained Him more than physical food.

The time that stands out in my mind of longing for God and enjoying His presence the most happened at the end of a conference many years ago. I had given a workshop and in the final session with the main speaker, God's presence was so real to me that I literally felt like I was cocooned in a bubble of love. I didn't even go to the final lunch because I felt so full and satisfied and didn't want anything to spoil the moment. I drove all the home--7 hours!--absolutely wrapped in that cocoon of His presence. I enjoyed Him, longed for Him, and felt His incredible love. I don't think I've ever so incredibly sensed God's presence since then--to that degree.

Daily life can be filled with mini-"cocoons of longing for God" as we seek Him through Bible study, prayer, and other spiritual disciplines. For me, singing God's praises draws my heart into enjoying Him. And don't tell anyone--it's just our little secret--but I love to dance around the house singing praises to God. There's such freedom and enjoyment of God in that. (Don't worry; no one else is home when I do it!)

How do you long for God by enjoying Him? I'd love to hear your ideas.
(If you receive this post in your email, click on "Heart Change" at the top of this email, and it will direct you to my blog where you can enter a comment.)

Next time, we'll talk about Dr. Kellemen's second idea for longing for God: "Entrust ourselves to God."

How's Your Self Talk Today?

If you've heard me speak about self-talk, you know that I pass out rubber bands for everyone to put on their wrists to snap if they think something that is not true about them--from God's perspective. Women have always given me good feedback about how they finally recognize how destructive their unbiblical self talk is.

I've included the topic of self talk in several of my books but never would have thought that someone could write a whole book about it. But Shelly Beach has done it! And wow! Is it ever a powerful book. I highly recommend her book, The Silent Seduction of Self-Talk: Conforming Deadly Thought Patterns to the Word of God (Moody Publishing). Since I don't want this to be a book review but a valuable post, I'm going to share with you some of her amazing ideas. She writes powerfully and effectively how we can stop and listen to our thoughts because they could be turning us away from the Lord.

"...one surprising element of Eve's interaction with the serpent is that he never urged her to do anything. He simply asked her to think. With a carefully nuanced phrase or two, the serpent set Eve's self-talk in motion." (pg 31)

"In our woundedness, we often strip others of their rightful place at the foot of the cross beside us. But in our woundedness we must be ruthless in examining our motives and self-talk." (pg 122)

"As the weeks passed, God began to answer that prayer. He showed me I could begin to understand my motives if I would take the time to stop, look, and listen to myself before, as, and after I spoke and acted." (pg. 136)

"I cannot be changed until I first understand how desperately I need to be changed." (pg 143)

"Whispers of entitlement call to us a hundred times a day--telling us we have a right to rage, to indulge in pride, to gorge on resentment, to criticize and complain, to shove our way to the front of the line...At times one eye is barely opened before I have to begin the work of asking, Where did this lousy attitude come from? What am I telling myself I'm entitled to, and is what I believe really the truth? Am I depending on God or relying on people to come through for me instead? On bad days, when I've thought about giving in and giving up, I've thought about wearing a sign around my neck: Warning: Child of God Under Construction--Slow Learner." (pgs 144-145).

These were some of my favorite quotes but the book is filled with practical, significant, and Biblical ways for us to "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ" (2 Cor. 10:5).

I highly recommend her book.

This Fasting Is Different

(This is a third post on the theme of fasting from sugar.)

I've fasted from sugar several times in the past. One time, I didn't have any obvious sugar for a year. (I say "obvious" because ketchup has sugar in it and I ate things like that.) I found out that once I determined that "sugar is not an option," and after the major cravings went away, it really wasn't that hard. There's something inside me that can decide "don't even give it the slightest thought." As that happens, it's like this huge round peg drops into a huge round hole with a huge "thunk!" and it's too heavy to lift. It means, "you're not going to choose sugar, it's not an option." When that happens, it hardly becomes a choice. And that's how I was able to do it. Of course, I credited the Lord and it was a spiritual exercise. But it was primarily so that I could be freed from the temptation that made me feel bad that it was more important than God, and that I was addicted.

And this month long fast is about all that but I'm trying to focus in a little differently. I'm trying to consciously use the desires and cravings to turn my attention to desiring and craving God. That was certainly a part of it in the past but this time, I think it's more pointed. It's my main focus, rather than trying to get away from the temptation.

In the past, I would put any temptation away so that I wouldn't see and desire it. This time I left the bag of chocolate pretzels out on purpose so that when I saw it, my attention would be drawn to the Lord. Larry enjoyed those pretzels and most likely felt relieved knowing I wouldn't get mad at him for eating my stuff! By the way, anything sugar in the house is MY stuff! It's true: don't eat my chocolate and no one will get hurt!

So my journey continues of hungering and thirsting more for God. It's fun to notice how many verses in the Bible talk about something like, "Taste and see that the Lord is good." It's so fun that you can never overdose on focusing on God. You can never gain weight from communing with God. And you don't need to ever feel guilty spending time with God.

Finding Joy in Hungering for God

When Larry and I decided to go out to dinner yesterday, my first thought was, "Oh, good, I'll get some dessert." Then I remembered my commitment to no sugar and was disappointed.

But then I remembered the point of my fast: to take that passion for sugar and chocolate and turn it into more passion in hungering and thirsting for God. So, I turned my attention to the Lord and praised Him for the beautiful scenery around me that He had created. Then I remembered a friend who I had been praying for, and I prayed for her. A joy from drinking from God's living spring (Jeremiah 2:13) rose up in me and I smiled.

I was savoring and tasting God's goodness and it was indeed satisfying. I thought, "How I'd love to think and mediate on the Lord as much as my mind is drawn to craving sweets. As much as I search through the pantry hoping to find some tasty sweet tidbit, I want to search for more opportunities to enjoy His Word. As disappointed as I feel when I can't have sweets, I want to feel disappointed if my time with the Lord is interrupted. As easy as it is to think about chocolate, I want to instantly pray when a friend's need pops into my mind."

Psalm 34:8 tells us: "O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!"

How are you tasting and seeing God's goodness today?

Give Me the Chocolate And No One Will Get Hurt

I love chocolate and sugar. At times, I believe I love chocolate and sugar more than God. I know you'll think it's too strong when I say that I worship sugar, but at times, it's really the truth. As I talked with a friend whose thoughts were consumed with getting her next "fix" (which was another food of choice), I felt convicted. I'm just like her, except that my "fix" is more acceptable in society. But I'm still thinking of how to get something sweet, and heaven forbid, if Larry finds my stash.

I remember when I was...maybe...ten years old. To hold my allowance, I had a little metal safe with a real combination lock, which required a battery. One day I opened the safe and saw a dark, thick substance oozing down the back of the wall. It looked just like chocolate. The thought was marvelous. Why would I ever think chocolate was located in the back of my safe? I have no clue. It only reveals my passion and obsession to find anything chocolate.

I reached in and swiped my finger over the dark, thick substance and put it in my mouth. ACK! It wasn't chocolate at all. It was battery acid oozing from the battery. It was horrible tasting and fearing I had poisoned myself, I ran to my mother and had to tell her my folly. How embarrassing. But that memory stands out to remind me of how early my obsession dug it's fingers into me.

So yesterday as I thought of my friend's obsession, I asked the Lord if there was anything separating me from Him. "Sugar!" came the answer. "But Lord, I just bought several wonderful treats that I've been craving. You can't mean..."

I sensed God calling me to a fast from sugar for a month in order to concentrate on Him with the effort and time that I usually think about sugar and chocolate. "But Lord, those tasty things I just bought. I'll just have that fabulous chocolate muffin and a cup of tea for one last hurrah while I read my Bible." And I fixed my little snack and savored it as I read. But there were still the chocolate covered pretzels I'd bought. "Hm, maybe I'll start the fast tomorrow. I can make sure I've eaten everything by tomorrow."

As I read along in Matthew, I came across the verse where Jesus called Peter and Andrew, and "Immediately they left their nets and followed Him" (4:20). Then Jesus called James and John, and "Immediately they left the boat and their father, and followed Him" (4:22). ACK! No fair!

How dare the Lord highlight that word "immediately" in my Bible! Why couldn't they have just finished their duties and followed Him the next day? That's reasonable!

But I knew the Lord was speaking to me and I made a commitment to start immediately. Thankfully, I had already finished eating that luscious chocolate muffin with little chunks of dark chocolate on top.

The rest of the day as I pondered this latest assignment from the Lord, when I felt my thoughts go to those chocolate covered pretzels, I thought, "Lord, I love you more. I want to think on You and get fed and nourished by You. Be that happiness for me that I find in sugar. Use my thoughts of sugar to draw my attention to you more. Satisfy me with thoughts of your goodness and your sweetness."

I realized I'm just not fasting from sugar for the sake of self-discipline or to even re-orient my priorities to stop worshiping sugar. I'm delighting in loving God more than satisfying my taste buds. I want my spiritual taste buds to crave Him.

Oh, It's Just a Little Exaggeration

Sometimes God's purifying work is harder when it's a "little sin" rather than a "big" one. Sometimes it feels like we have the major things under control and God starts using his spiritual broom to sweep into the corners to push out the dust bunnies. In God's kingdom, the dust bunnies are just as contaminating as the obvious sins.

One of the "dust bunny sins" God has been working on me for awhile is my tendency to exaggerate. Oh, I'm not talking about telling how the big fish got away. I'm talking about exaggerating something that makes me look good or makes someone else look bad. It's more than enlarging a story for humor, but reveals a deep seated control issue. I want to control how someone views me or how they view someone else.

Just the other day, I related the response of someone in an angry tone of voice that exaggerated the way he had said it. It was a good tool for shock value and made the other person look bad. My friend who listened to me said, "Did he say it that way?" I had to back peddle and explain, "Well, no, maybe not quite with that much contempt."

It was a good wake up call by the Holy Spirit to shine His flashlight on my need to control. It lit up the motives of my heart that reveal a lack of trust in God. If I really trusted God, I could let my "no" be "no" and my "yes" be "yes" without trying to influence the perceptions of the person listening. I could tell the truth in love and trust God for whatever response or ideas He wanted to communicate to the other person.

I know there are a lot more dust bunnies in the corner of my heart. The Holy Spirit, I'm sure, will continue to use His broom of conviction. For me, He has to have a big dust pan!

If The Resurrection were an Untrue Story

Here's an interesting tidbit that reminds us of the validity of our Bible.

Considering the male-dominated society at the time of Jesus' human life, if the Resurrection accounts were actually fabricated, the writers would have written that a man saw Jesus first. They would not have written a false story where a woman is the first person to see Jesus and be able to be a witness to others of this amazing historical event. That would have been a slap in the face of men.

How interesting and wonderful that Jesus appeared to Mary Magdalene first. A woman! I love it!

Can Technology Diminish Dependence upon God?

I recently visited a church and the service ended--but they didn't have an offering. I was dumbfounded. How does this work? Then I looked more closely at the bulletin and noticed a note saying people could give on-line or put their giving into one of the boxes in the hallway.

Hmmm... I started to mull this over. Certainly there's no problem with this. I really saw it as a move of trust in God. People would have more of an opportunity to forget, plus visitors wouldn't pitch in a few dollars. They would have to depend upon God to prompt people to not forget and not have the offertory to remind them. God would have to come through for them!

Then I started thinking of how Larry and I have begun having an automatic withdrawal done for our giving for missionaries. That way we don't forget. Wonderful technology!

But then I started thinking of it a little different. By us not being involved in giving, were we diminishing our dependence on hearing God? Obeying God? Depending upon God? Was the opportunity of turning our attention to God and asking, "I'm about to make my payments to the missionaries we support, Lord, is there anything you want us to do different this month?" Technology diminishes the privilege of seeking His will. Of course, we can still do that with automatic withdrawal, but will we be more lax because we aren't reminded?

Hm, I'm still mulling this over. Something to think about...

Are You "Lying Down" in Trust?

I noticed a note in my Bible beside Psalm 23 pointing to verse 2: "He makes me lie down in green pastures..." A familiar refrain to us, right? But why does God have to make us lie down and why wouldn't we easily?

The note I'd written who-knows-when says, "Sheep will not lie down unless things are perfect--no fear, friction, hunger, pain or disease." Can't you just picture a sheep pacing back and forth, wringing his paws (do sheep have paws?), muttering, "Oh, I just can't lie down. I have this tick on my back which is irritating my skin. That other sheep I have to lie down by is so irritating. And aren't those dark clouds gathering over us? Oh no, rain!"

I've been meditating on that. How like sheep I am--I hesitate and yes, even refuse at times, to lie down to rest in complete trust in God's provision for me. I want things to be perfect before I surrender and allow Him to provide. I think I need to come through for myself rather than rest.

Of course, we'll still be active in doing what God wants us to do, but in our heart we can be "lying down" in rest and trust the whole time.

I didn't "lie down" recently. Darcy and Raffi (grandson) were scheduled to come visit for several days and the day before they arrived Larry mentioned he was finally ready to go trade in both our cars and buy a new one. He wanted to do it the next day. Thinking it didn't involve me, I said "great!" But I did need to go and when that became clear, I had a hissy fit. I didn't want to miss those first hours of Darcy and Raffi being with us--even though they would be with us for two weeks. I didn't want to lie down in surrender and trust God's timing. I felt like I would be missing out on something too valuable.

But God said "lie down!" and I went. At first not happily but eventually as we went through the hours-long process, I was at peace. And almost at the end of the process, Larry mentioned to the salesperson about the kind of second car we wanted to find--of which there was nothing on the lot. The salesman's eyes widened (seeing more dollar signs), and told us they had just taken in trade the day before a car that fit our description. We ended up buying that one too. Just what we wanted.

I became a thankful sheep because if we hadn't gone when I didn't want us to go, we wouldn't have found the second car we wanted. God had provided but it required my surrender.

And our visit with Darcy and Raphael was wonderful. God provided everything we needed. I just needed to lie down in the green pasture. And not pace about because everything wasn't going the way I thought it should.

My Favorite Description of God

Adam Clarke wrote,

[God is]
"the eternal, independent, and self-existent Being;

the Being whose purposes and actions spring from himself, without foreign motive or influence;

he who is absolute in dominion;

the most pure, the most simple, the most spiritual of all essences;

infinitely perfect;

and eternally self-sufficient, needing nothing that he has made;

illimitable in his immensity, inconceivable in his mode of existence, and indescribable in his essence;

known fully only by himself, because an infinite mind can only be fully comprehended by itself.

In a word, a Being who, from his infinite wisdom, cannot err or be deceived,

and from his infinite goodness, can do nothing but what is eternally just, and right, and kind."

Wow! Just try meditating on that and resist worshiping our great God!

Which part is most important to you?

PS Wikipedia says, "Adam Clarke (1760 or 1762–1832) was a British Methodist theologian and Biblical scholar, born in the townland of Moybeg Kirley near Tobermore in present-day Northern Ireland^[1]. He is chiefly remembered for writing a commentary on the Bible which took him 40 years to complete and which was a primary Methodist theological resource for two centuries."