Our 40th Wedding Anniversary--What I've Learned

Tonight at 7:15pm, Larry and I will be officially married for 40 years. June 20, 1970, the most romantic night of the century, I walked down the aisle of a little church in Downey, California, and was thrilled that my Prince Charming, Larry, waited at the altar for me. 40 years later, our journey has been filled with ups and downs, joys and sorrows, struggles and fun, with opportunities to grow and trust God more. If I could tell myself then what I know now, here are a few things I'd share:

1. Don't take things personally. When it seems like your Prince's armor has rust spots and even holes, don't think it's because he no longer cares for you. It's not always about you. If you react as if it is and try to have him be the only source of your needs, instead of God, it'll only make him withdraw. He's not qualified to be what only God can be.

2. Focus on the positive. When your insecurities rise up and you're afraid his inattention means He doesn't love you anymore, think of how he is sensitive and responsive. Give him credit for his faltering efforts instead of focusing on his inabilities.

3. Appreciate the differences between you. It's as if you have one focused eye and he has the other focused eye you need. Only with two eyes, can you have depth perception. You need each other; don't think you have the only opinion worth something.

4. Value yourself. Your Prince didn't marry a pauper. You are both children of the King, equal in God's sight, both sinful and gifted. You don't have to believe he'll wake up and think he made a mistake marrying you. He choose you, as designed by God.

5. You aren't voiceless. Believing you are voiceless makes you think you can only express yourself through anger. Instead, have confidence that God will fight for you after you express yourself calmly.

6. You both don't know how to do marriage. Both of you have entered a life long journey. Neither of you will do it perfectly and neither of you has all the answers. If he thinks he does know it all, then offer grace. Let God open his understanding. Even 40 years later, there will still be areas of needed growth.

Well, I guess I could go on and on. But one last thing: Larry will change. You will change. Enjoy the journey. Marriage is not meant for your happiness, but your holiness. In 40 years, Larry will be a godly, mature, selfless, kind, loving man who adores you. Who encourages and values you. Who is your Best Friend and attentive lover. Far more than when he waited for you at the altar. That only comes through life and living. Have faith. Hang in there. God knows the way.

Back to "Hope:" What Waiting Reveals about Us

It's been awhile since I wrote about hope but here's another post on the theme of hope. The last time we focused on it, we read the last reference to "hope" that was found in the book of Job. Now we'll be starting to work our way through the Psalms. And there are a lot of references to hope there. I know it's going to be a rich time of meditation.

Here's the first "hope" in Psalms:

"The wicked will return to Sheol,
Even all the nations who forget God.
For the needy will not always be forgotten,
Nor the hope of the afflicted perish forever.
Arise, O LORD, do not let man prevail;
Let the nations be judged before You." (Psalm 9:17-19 NASB).

Hoping in God's deliverance carries with it an expectation that we will be waiting. We will be waiting for the Lord to show up and come through for us, whether we feel afflicted or the wicked seem to be prospering--and we aren't. As we wait, we're crying out, "Arise, Lord! Come through for me! Don't you see and care?"

The Psalmist is a good example for us of waiting "well." He writes, "For the needy will not always be forgotten." There's a confidence in that wording: "not always..." He's saying, "This won't go on forever and forever without God moving in justice and truth."

Paul David Tripp gives some important thoughts about waiting in his book, Broken-Down House: Living Productively in a World Gone Bad :

"Waiting will always reveal where you have placed your hope. Your heart is always exposed by the way that you wait.

"If your hope is in your power, you will find it extremely difficult to live through situations where you have been revealed to be powerless. If your hope is in your wisdom, you will find it extremely difficult to deal with circumstances that simply make no sense to you. If your hope has been in a certain person or situation, you will find it very hard to deal with it should that person or situation radically change. Think about it. If my hope and confidence were really in the wisdom and power of the Lord, I would not find this kind of waiting so hard. Waiting is hard precisely because it calls us to live by faith and not by sight." (pg 115, Shepherd's Press).

It might be quite startling for us to make a connection between what we're impatient about and the condition of our heart: our expectations and/or what we believe we need for "life."

For instance...
**If you believe you need your spouse's love to feel worthwhile, it'll be hard to wait for his/her affirmations. Your hope is in your spouse's opinion of you.
**If you believe you must have a well paying job, it'll be nerve racking to wait for your boss to recognize your work. Your hope is in financial security.
**If you believe you aren't beautiful until you lose 10 pounds, you'll be impatient with slow weight-loss. Your hope is in your appearance.

Heart Change involves being honest about what our impatient waiting indicates. What is it pointing to? As we uncover our ungodly "hope," confess it and correct it with the truth, transformation of our heart will occur.

Yes, God will come through for us...in His timing. But even if He doesn't, He can be trusted. That is our true hope.

A New Thought about Blessing Others

My friend, Joanie Rich, recently gave me a definition of "to bless:" "to bless is to ask God to interfere, to take action in one's life, to bring them to the desired relationship with Himself so that they are fully blessed and fully satisfied" (author unknown).

"Interesting perspective," I thought. We normally think of blessing someone as meaning they will only experience "positive" things and things will go great for them. But this definition is based on Acts 3:26 which says, "When God raised up his servant, he sent him first to you to bless you by turning each of you from your wicked ways."

That does give a different perspective, doesn't it? My sister, Karen Dye, taught me to pray, "Lord, don't let them stay where they are (spiritually)." A long long time ago, I heard evangelist Winkie Pratney define love as "a choice for a person's highest good." When we want the best for a person, we may want difficulties and problems to be allowed in their lives so that they will know they need God or become aware that they have some "wickedness" in their lives. At the surface, that may not seem like a loving thing, but it is.

How might these ideas change the way you pray for someone--or yourself? The Psalmist wrote, "It is good that I was afflicted." That's a "good" that reveals God's true love--and yours!