Trusting God's Communication Abilities

Yesterday, I had my follow up appointment with the surgeon and he said I shouldn't have continuing pain. I may be bleeding inside where he did the work because that would cause inflammation and pain. But he doubts that because I haven't had fever and chills, which usually accompany that.

Or there is a re-occurrence of the bulge, which happens in 5% of surgeries. As a result, he has ordered another MRI which of course has to be okeyed by insurance. Don't know when that will happen.

I've been mulling over the meaning of all that's going on....why the pain journey continues and why the surgery may have not been effective, or there is a re-occurrence of the bulge. Have I disobeyed in some way? Have I not got the message or learned the lesson? Did I hear correctly that the Lord won't heal me through surgery? Am I not listening in some way? Etc

Thank you Lord that I don't need to be fearful or fretting. You are in charge and You will accomplish all you desire for me...and all of us. Even in this I don't need to be anxious for anything (Philippians 4:6-7).

I Thessalonians 5:24 promises, “Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.”

And Psalm 138:8 promises, “The LORD will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.”

I rest in that.

Is God a "No-No"?

Because of my back surgery, we've had to be careful allowing my 2 1/2 year old grandson Raphael near me. Yet, he doesn't realize that he can't climb all over me and yesterday he ran toward me fully intending to jump onto me. We all had to yell, "no, no, no..." Thankfully, he stopped.

But the look on his face was telling. Because even though I was smiling, the "no" message was negative. Grandma is a no-no. Don't touch! Don't go near. The look on Raffi's face was a mixture of confusion and disappointment. And I felt bad because he had to conclude that what he was doing was wrong. He was doing a no-no and got scolded for it. But of course, it wasn't about him at all. It was about my safety. He hadn't done anything wrong but we had to react as if he was doing something wrong.

I felt so sad.

How do you try to communicate to a toddler not to rambunctiously approach me? We had to say, "Grandma is broken" and "grandma has an owee." "Be gentle."

Although the correlation has much to lack, it did make me wonder whether God is a no-no for some people. Were they given messages about God in their childhood that made God seem "broken" or incapable or unapproachable? Or when we approached God as a child, did we feel like someone was scolding us and we thought it was wrong to jump to Him or ask for His help?

I think that God feels even more sadness than I felt if anyone feels He is dangerous to approach. How sad. I'm trusting that when I can become an active grandma again, that any wrong ideas Raffi has about my availability will disappear. And I believe with all my heart that God wants to dispel any lies someone has about Him.

Oh Lord, reveal the truth about yourself--your goodness, availability, power and love. Thank you that you are not injured and we can throw ourselves upon you. You welcome it!

My Family's Unplanned Christmas Tradition

It wasn't intended to be a Christmas tradition and yet because it took place over several years when my brother, sister and I were young, it became a tradition. And I'm sure we'll speak of it this Thursday when we have our family get together.

In our house in Norwalk, California, the kitchen was separated from the bedrooms by the living room. The living room held the Christmas tree and it was one of our traditions for Santa to bring unwrapped gifts for under the Christmas tree. Not unusal of course. Except that it posed a problem.

My mother adamantly insisted we three kids eat breakfast before opening our gifts. She knew if we didn't, our behavior would deteriorate because of low blood sugar and we'd be too distracted by our gifts to eat. As a result, we had to go to the kitchen to eat.

The problem? To go to the kitchen, we had to go through the livingroom where the Christmas tree held the unwrapped presents. It wouldn't do to have us see our gifts.

So somehow someone thought of the idea of our father and our Uncle Frank carrying us from the bedroom to the ktichen with a blanket over our heads so that we couldn't see. Then in the kitchen we would quickly gobble down our Malt-O-Meal and then head for the tree. Of course, only after Mother had turned on the bright lights of the movie camera.

For years, we were carried through the living room and it became a fun experience and a looked-forward-to-event.

Certainly, no one thought this would become a tradition nor that we would speak fondly of it every Christmas. But that's how traditions are. Most of them are not planned and we may even be surprised that a particular happening became a fond memory.

Are you sometimes concerned that you don't have Christmas traditions? Let me assure you that you have more than you realize. Be confident that memories are being created. And they'll be spoken of in years to come.

Thank You, James Hanger!

In preparation for my back surgery, I went to the Hanger Prosthetics and Orthodics Company to get fitted for a back brace; which of course, I'm wearing now all the time except when I'm laying down.

As I waited in the office, i noticed a piece of paper explaining how this company began. It turns out it was started in 1861 by James Edward Hanger and is our nation's largest prosthetics and orthodics company with over 620 branches nationwide.

What was particularly fascinating is that James Hanger started the company because he was the first amputee of the Civil War. He was 18 years old and returned home to Virginia. He created an artificial leg from whittled barrel staves. He called it the "hanger limb" and fitted other Confederate amputees with his creation.

As I read about James Hanger, I was really touched recognizing how this young man used his difficult circumstances for good in his world. Rather than whining and complaining, he obviously helped others. As we say in the speaking/writing ministry, find a hole and fill it. He filled a hole and even now, 140 years later, his company is helping me by preventing me from moving wrong which could un-do the progress the surgeon made.

I think the Lord God has a hole for each of us to fill in His Kingdom. Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them" (NASB). It's so wonderful to remember that God has a purpose for every one of us.

Be inspired by James Hanger!

I Recommend "Mystery of the Cross"

Larry and I recently sampled a sliver of chocolate at Trader Joe's called a “Dark Chocolate Crisp.” It's as thin as a Lays Potato Chip but wow! Was it powerfully chocolaty strong! We both commented that it was so rich we would easily have any chocolate itch scratched. And if you know me, you know I'm a chocoholic. Just give me the chocolate and no one will get hurt! We had to buy the package!

That incident came to my mind as I've been reading The Mystery of the Cross: Bringing Ancient Christian Images to Life by Judith Couchman (InterVarsity Press). Each short devotional is so rich it makes you feel like you've had a full meal of eating in the Lord's presence. Judith's book is a unique one. It has 40 fairly short devotionals about various aspects of the cross throughout history and especially of the cross of Christ. Although this book would be a particularly impactful one at Easter time, don't wait until then to feast from its richness.

I don't think I would have ever thought about someone writing a book about the history of the cross or that it could be so meaningful, but Judith succeeds in bringing out rich textures about the cross. And if you're one who loves history and/or art, you'll love this book. But everyone will benefit from it. I appreciate history and art but I'm not a fanatic. This book makes me want to enjoy the history of many things. She makes you realize how many threads are involved in the history of something and that's how this book makes you think about the cross. There's so much more to it than just the cross Jesus died on. She certainly covers all the aspects of what we know about that cross from the Bible, but there's so much additional related information she includes. In fact, fascinating information. Like the Standing Stones of Callanish in Scotland that are arranged in the configure of a cross. These standing monoliths rival the Stonehenge in England. And she includes a photo of the Scotland monoliths.

Here are the section titles which give a good overview of the book:

Part One: Ancient Echoes of the Cross: The Cross in Pre-Christian Times

Part Two: The Pain and the Glory: The Cross and the Suffering Savior

Part Three: Early Signs of Faith: The Cross and the Early Believers

Part Four: The Great Conversion: The Cross and Early Religious Freedom

Part Five: Daily Signs of Salvation: The Cross in Ancient Everyday Life

Part Six: Ways to Worship: The Cross in Early Church Life

Part Seven: Enduring Mysteries: The Cross and Its Eternal Power

I highly recommend Judith's book. I know it will be a blessing to you as it has been to me. Judith is the author of over 40 books, Bible studies, and compilations. She also teaches art history part time at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs (UCCS).

You can purchase it at your local bookstores, online booksellers, or at the publishers website: www.ivpress.com. The retail price is $17.00 but many online sellers are offering it at discount.

Loving Well

For several days the Lord keeps pulling me back to Philippians 1 and I'm fascinated trying to figure out the connection between discerning love and righteousness. The NET Bible says: “And I pray this, that your love may abound even more and more in knowledge and every kind of insight so that you can decide what is best, and thus be sincere and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9-11)

That's what I love about God's Word to us. No matter how many times you've read or studied a passage, it just keeps holding treasures. I've even written a book about Philippians, in fact, 2 books, and I'm still looking at it with fresh eyes. Or it could be that my senior mind forgets what I'd learned before. LOL

This passage says that if our love abounds in knowledge and insight, we will be righteous and as a result of that, sincere and blameless when we see Jesus. But how does discerning and knowledgeable love result in being able to decide what is best? Making the best choices is a great definition of righteousness, don't you think?

The first thing I thought of was having a kind of love for other people that is discerning—in other words, understanding what really is the best for that person. Sometimes we think we're loving a person but we're not actually loving them well. Maybe we're rescuing them or enabling them or taking away the opportunity for them to make their own choices. Maybe we are loving them in order to appear a good and loving person rather than keeping the other person's best interests in mind. I can see how making loving choices-- that are truly loving for that person-- is “doing what is best.”

Then I looked at Philippians 1:9-11 in the NASB: “And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”

And in The Message: “So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.”

This passage is all about motives. Working backwards, our righteousness comes from making wise choices, which comes from having a right motive of loving for the right reasons. Much loving isn't always well loving. Much loving isn't always appropriate loving. Much loving isn't always based in real knowledge and discernment. “Un-well” loving doesn't bring approval of that which is excellent. It approves that which is weak and unwise and un-good for the person who is supposedly being loved.

But if we love much and well, we won't have wrong motives. Wrong motives are motives like:

*doing it for our benefit,

*for us looking good,

*for us feeling good about ourselves because we think we've made the person feel good and thus we feel good about ourselves.

If we don't have wrong motives, we will be making righteous choices. And God will approve of what we've done because it's been about Him and not ourselves.

My favorite story along these lines is how I was worried when 14 year old son Mark flew across country to go to the FCA golf camp. He had to change planes in Dallas. I just knew he would not know how to find his flight even though I tried to explain about the monitor. I worried and at 2pm when I anticipated him calling me to say he'd missed his connecting flight, the Lord whispered in my heart, “You want him to fail so that he'll need you.” At first I was horrified to think that. How bad of me. But then I knew it was true. I wanted to be involved in his life and be needed. That's not loving well. My worry said I was more important than him needing God. I confessed my “un-well” love, which wasn't love at all because I didn't want his best.

It's amazing how stealthily un-loving love can seem righteous. But discerning, righteous love wants a person's best. It has nothing to do with ourselves. And sometimes real “good and appropriate love” makes hard choices. People call it tough love. It's allowing a person to make unwise choices so that the consequences that God allows will hopefully draw them closer to God—not us. Rescuing love doesn't want them to suffer because then it'll appear we were unkind to not step in. Or we'll hurt emotionally because we're worried about them. Psalm 19:19 speaks the truth: “A man of great anger will bear the penalty, For if you rescue him, you will only have to do it again” (NASB).

Oh, Lord, help us to love with discernment and appropriateness for then we'll make righteous choices and be found blameless and sincere at your coming.

Important Perspecitve About Guilt and Shame

Tim Chester writes, "Ongoing guilt makes your opinion the one that matters most; shame makes people's opinions what matters most. Repentance is making God central and accepting his declaration that you're righteous in Christ." pg 134, You Can Change, IVP, 2008.

So often we think we're doing the right thing when we don't forgive ourselves and it can almost feel good to berate ourselves or beat ourselves over the head over our sin. But then we're layering sin upon sin because we're disobeying God's invitation to receive His forgiveness and be reconciled to Him.

Moving Day for Audrey

Six years ago when Larry's dad died, we began caregiving for his mom, Audrey, who was about 87. The first sign of what was to come--her Lewy Body Dementia--was the day she called to say she'd received a letter from her health insurance and they wanted to get rid of her. We didn't know what was going on but the paranoia had set in.

Little by little things got worse, both mentally and physically. We remember the day she called furiously claiming someone sealed the lid on the trash can and had put their trash in her trash can. It was heavy and she couldn't open it. When we arrived, we realized she had been trying to open it from the wrong side.

Little by little things got worse. She wanted to be independent so eventually we moved her into assisted living. But the paranoia and delusions and hallucinations characteristic of Lewy Body (www.lbda.org) got worse and Larry's research brought him to the conclusion she had LBD.
After 6 months at the assisted living, we knew she wasn't handling it. Not only were people stealing her stuff, when we found the stolen item, she knew they had returned it. The clincher was the day she said they had sprayed poison underneath her door and were trying to kill her. We moved her back to her own home. Except that she slept at our house and we took her back to her house to spend the day. Meals on wheels provided her lunch and she fixed a frozen dinner for dinner.

Eventually she wasn't eating much and couldn't remember how to work the microwave and burned the pot on the stove. It was time to come to our house to live.

That was 2 1/2 years ago. Little by little she has gone deeper into the disease. A saving grace was the Monday through Friday "social club" we took her to. It's available to those with Alzheimers and Dementia and she could have some interaction from 10-3 and we didn't go insane.

Now she doesn't know who we are and if Larry says he is her son, she says, "You are not!" She believes we hate her and wish her harm. At least she's past the point of accusing us of stealing her money. A few Sundays ago, Larry told her he was going to preach the sermon at church. She looked at him aghast and said, "Heaven help us."

Now that I've been unable to do pretty much of anything for almost 6 months because of my intense back pain, Larry has become caretakers for both the demented women in this home. Well, okay, I'm only half-demented. So one and a half demented women. Audrey is no longer horrified that a man is dressing her.

But we believe the Lord has said it's enough. It's time. Audrey will be moving this afternoon to a care house where a caregiver(s) care for two other women. We believe they will give better care to her than we can and we know it's for her best. And it's for our best. Our stress level with all that's going on hits the roof. The Lord is gracious and strengthens us, but as our wise Pastor Marvin O'Dell said, "God only strengthens you for what He wants you to do."

So please pray that Audrey will adjust well to her new place. Considering that when she comes home from social club each day, she thinks she's in a new place, her "new place" shouldn't seem too strange.

We're wondering what this new phase for us will be like. Hopefully I'll have surgery next week and after several weeks of recuperation, we will be seeing how God leads for a new chapter of our lives. We have grown tremendously in many ways through these 2 1/2 years. When we realized Audrey would have to live here full time, I sat on the patio looking at the sunset and cried to God, "My life is ruined." My life wasn't ruined. It was changed and I was changed and Larry was changed. God worked and we'd like to think we're closer to God and we are closer in character to Jesus.

Please pray that Audrey will do well, my surgery will be God's provision for healing (if He doesn't miraculously heal me in the next week) and we will know His leading for the future--step by step.