Thursday, May 28, 2009

Take Care of My Little Lamb

As I was giving Audrey her shower this morning, I began to feel frustrated with the 75 times she wiped her eyes and face. (I'm not kidding). For no seeming reason :-) the 23rd Psalm came into my mind: "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..." At first I meditated on that first line but then I had a little mental image of the Master Shepherd handing me a little lamb (even though I'm a lamb--but a bigger one) and saying "I'm giving you the care of this little lamb FOR ME!"

I knew the analogy. Audrey is The Shepherd's little lamb. He has given Larry and I this fragile lamb to care for Him.

It didn't take away all my frustration as she rinsed under running water for fifteen minutes, but because of that image and as I keep surrendering with the concept, "I'm a servant. I have no rights, only preferences. I have no demands, only requests" (see post from several days ago), I'm falling at the feet of Jesus in surrender.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

God Gives a Break

I remember noticing this back when studying Isaiah and it has continued in most of the minor prophetic books also. God goes back and forth between pointing out sin, giving consequences, and naming how they will be delivered in the future. Each of those three elements could be labeled on a juggler's balls and each time the juggler touches and then throws the ball, that element is included. Except that this juggler is so talented that he can keep one ball up in the air longer while the other two balls are tossed around. Because when God goes through those three elements in these prophetic books, they aren't in any particular order.

As I noticed this, I realized that if I were having these books written, I would have had a section, like a chapter, naming all the sins. Then when I'm done, I would name all the consequences, and then finally, all the good news for the future. The writer in me would organize everything together.

But God doesn't do that. It's as if He knows that if He went on and on, chapter after Biblical chapter about their sin, they might not read very far. And then for giving consequences, well, who's going to continue on reading not knowing that the future deliverance will be named?

So God juggles them in different orders and to prevent discouragement, the good news is wedged in between the bad news. Sounds like a good way of relating to people, especially in the area of counseling. Sprinkle in some good news; cast a vision of how good it can be from obedience; yet point out sin and its consequences too.

God knows how to do it.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

"How Have I Wearied You?"--God

In Micah 6:3, God says to the Israelites, "My people, what have I done to you,
And how have I wearied you? Answer Me" (NASB).

In The Message, Eugene Petersen rephrases it as, "Dear people, how have I done you wrong? Have I burdened you, worn you out? Answer!"

Today, God used that verse to bring me to the woodshed. I am like the Israelites in my complaint that God has done me wrong. In caring for Audrey, I'm deprived! I'm wearied. I'm worn out. I'm burdened by the burden God has placed upon me.

Then God answers them and me:
"I delivered you from a bad life in Egypt;
I paid a good price to get you out of slavery.
I sent Moses to lead you—
and Aaron and Miriam to boot!
Remember what Balak king of Moab tried to pull,
and how Balaam son of Beor turned the tables on him.
Remember all those stories about Shittim and Gilgal.
Keep all God's salvation stories fresh and present." (Micah 6:3-4 The Message).

In my study, I found out what each of those references meant for them and for me:
1. paid a good price: The lambs were slaughtered at Passover to save the first born males. Jesus died for me to pay for my sins, saving me from sin and eternal damnation.
2. Moses: Moses represents the Law. I am not obligated to keep the jot and tittle of the Law; instead, I have my position in Christ as a Daughter of the King--as a gift, not earned.
3. Aaron: represents the priesthood. I am a priest in my own right--able to come before the very throne of God.
4. Miriam: could represent worship, because of the songs she sang. My worship is acceptable to God and lifts me into the holy of holies.
5. Balak and Balaam: Balak wanted Balaam to curse the Israelites but God protected the Israelites by causing Balaam to pronounce a blessing instead. I am protected from Satan's accusations and curses and have power to resist his attacks.
6. journey from Shittim to Gilgal: is the route the Israelites took as they went into the Promised Land. I also am on a journey of progress, not perfection, in my sanctification.

God points all these things out as His testimony that He hasn't wearied, burdened or worn out the people. Those are all false accusations. Instead, He has time after time provided for and protected them. And He has done the same for me. I never would have thought I could stand having a demented woman living in my house for 2 years, accusing me of trying to kill her and indicating I don't care for her well. I'm not doing it perfectly, but boy, is God using it to sanctify me!

Today as I had a woodshed time with God (where He waps me on the side of the heart), it was as if God said, "How have I wearied you? Don't I have the right to do anything I want with my servant--you!!!? I do nothing apart from love, care, faithfulness, and tenderness. I won't break a broken reed."

I was humbled because I saw my complaints as what they really are: rebellion against the hand of God. Those are strong words, I know. But it's true. And I concluded:
I have no rights, only preferences.
I have no demands, only requests.
I am the servant, He is the master.
I am His.

The joy and freedom and surrender I'm feeling cannot be matched. I know I'll be tested and tried; but I hope I can remember this and reflect on all that God has faithfully done for me--like He called upon the Israelites to remember.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Divided Heart & Audrey Update

I have a confession, blogger page. I have another lover. I know this breaks your heart and I'm so sorry. But, (now don't cry, blogger page), but I joined Face book. Oh, I know, I know. My heart is divided. I see it. My creative juices get tied up in reading everyone's posts, of seeing how many friends can join my page (oh, they love me!), of playing Scrabble. Oh, I know, I know. It's horrible for you. I've been ignoring you. I don't think of you as much. My energies get directed to instant gratification. (Here's a tissue).

Can I stop? you ask. No, but I'll really try to visit you more often, my beloved blogger page. You offer depth but it takes more of me. Face book doesn't require as much. I have to think when I write on you. Oh, I'm so sorry. Truth is hard. But I do love you. I do. I promise to come more often and we'll enjoy the depth of our relationship.

OK? I promise to come back soon.

APPLICATION: Aren't you glad we can have a divided heart between blogging and Facebook and it's OK? But we shouldn't have a divided heart between obedience and disobedience with the Lord.

Update on Audrey: she has reached a new low level of confusion and sadness. She forgets she lives here and is worried, even crying, saying she doesn't have any money to pay. She started to move pillows on the couch to make a bed. She can't remember where she sleeps, yet she knows to go past her bed in her bedroom to go to the bathroom. Thankfully, she hasn't been mean-spirited, just extremely confused. And of course, doesn't remember from one hour to the next of our assurance that she sleeps here and its free. Very sad and strange.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Update and Expanded from Yesterday

HERE'S AN UPDATED AND EXPANDED VERSION OF YESTERDAY:
Someone has said that if you know how to worry, you know how to meditate. Both are mental methods of rehearsing something--either fearful (worry) or good (meditation).

As I've been studying Micah and other minor prophets (and throughout the Bible), I'm amazed at how often God says something like, "Remember what I did for you when I brought you out of Egypt?" "Remember what I did for you when I gave you victory going into Canaan?" He keeps repeating over and over again what He has done in the past with the purpose of building their faith and trust in Him. If He was faithful in the past, He'll be faithful now.

As I'm a little discouraged today with care giving, at times the weariness hits me, I also must rehearse God's faithfulness and promises. He doesn't give me more than I can handle in His power. He promises to bring good out of every situation. He promises that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. He says He'll meet all my true needs.

NEW:
Yesterday after writing my post, I happened to later notice a letter that I forgotten to open, which had arrived the day before. I opened it and it was from my writing friend, Jeanne Zornes (author of many books) who has been a caregiver in her home in the past and now her mother-in-law is in a Altzheimer's facility. She said, "I'm obeying a nudge to send you this note" and an article she'd written about caregiving. That was important but a few words in her note were the most powerful for me and brought me to tears: "God sees what you are doing."

That meant so much to me. God has not forgotten or not noticed. He has given me this assignment (and Larry too of course) and He knows what's going on and has a plan. That means so much to me. Audrey rarely thanks me; Larry thanks me alot, and I thank him a lot. But most important: God is thanking us for obeying Him and caring for His broken beloved. He loves her and wants her cared for well. (Don't worry: that doesn't mean we'll kill ourselves before we put her in a care facility).

I also remembered a time when I was having a very bad day and the phone rang. My friend from Northern CAlifornia who I'm rarely in contact with, felt led to call me. Jo Netta prayed for me and restored my strength as she communicated that God knew what was going on.

Rehearsing those incidents made a difference. God knows, cares and will supply.

He has been faithful to keep those promises in the past and He'll continue. He is a faithful God and He cares for me. He cares for you.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Keep Rehearsing What God Has Done

Someone has said that if you know how to worry, you know how to meditate. Both are mental methods of rehearsing something--either fearful (worry) or good (meditation).

As I've been studying Micah and other minor prophets (and throughout the Bible), I'm amazed at how often God says something like, "Remember what I did for you when I brought you out of Egypt?" "Remember what I did for you when I gave you victory going into Canaan?" He keeps repeating over and over again what He has done in the past with the purpose of building their faith and trust in Him. If He was faithful in the past, He'll be faithful now.

As I'm a little discouraged today with care giving, at times the weariness hits me, I also must rehearse God's faithfulness and promises. He doesn't give me more than I can handle in His power. He promises to bring good out of every situation. He promises that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. He says He'll meet all my true needs.

He has been faithful to keep those promises in the past and He'll continue. He is a faithful God and He cares for me. He cares for you.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Who's Your Authority?

I just found a little nugget in Micah 4:5: "Though all the peoples walk each in the name of his god, as for us, we will walk in the name of the Lord our God forever and ever" (NASB).

The Net Bible uses the word "follow" for "walk" but then gives this explanation: "Hebrew wording: “walk each in the name of his god.” The term “name” here has the idea of “authority.” To “walk in the name” of a god is to recognize the god’s authority as binding over one’s life."

It just really hit me that each decision I make reveals who has authority over my life. I may say Jesus is Lord in my life but I have the choice whether to make Him Lord and authority each time.

This is sobering. The word "walk" is used a lot in the New Testament and as I picture it, I'm walking along with God on a path and it really doesn't seem that bad when I stray to the side, pause and He walks ahead, or even wander away. But in that moment, Jesus is no longer my authority and I'm no longer making him binding over my life.

How does wandering look? Thoughts or actions like:
my anger is justified--it's him/her fault for acting that way.
I can go off my diet a little; it won't hurt.
just a little white lie doesn't hurt.
I'm exaggerating to make a point.
Everyone should view life the way I do.
I'm worried, sure, but who doesn't?

I know I'm sounding perfectionistic but my desire really is to stay on the path with Him. Oh, how sweet that would be.

So, Lord, that is my call for your authority over my life today. That I might follow and walk in the authority of Jesus today.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Mutiny at Day Care

Monday through Friday, we take Audrey to day care for seniors for about six hours. It's a nice break for us and gives her the stimulation she needs. Yesterday, I arrived to pick her up and one of the seniors named Viola was standing in the door with her walker blocking the way. I quickly realized what was happening. She was trying to escape! The care workers were "working" with her to assure her that her husband would arrive soon but it was too early to leave. She wasn't buying it.

Viola turned to me and I assured her, "Your husband told me he will be coming soon." She quickly replied, "What's his name?" Oh, she's a smart one in her demented state. I said, "All he said was that he was Viola's husband." Hhmmmmppp! she muttered. She wasn't convinced.

As the standoff continued and they said things like, "Come on back and we'll get your husband on the telephone," Viola looked out over the room to the other seniors and said, "Come on! We'll leave this way!" It was a mutiny! Fortunately, the rest of the seniors just stared at her.

Finally, Viola was convinced to go back in and I rescued Audrey from the mutiny.

As I thought of a possible spiritual application, I realized how many people through the ages have followed those out into darkness who didn't have light. Jim Jones scenario first comes to mind. Leaving the care center on their own would be most unfortunate for those seniors. Viola, fortunately, wasn't successful in the mutiny. She thought she would lead them to freedom but it would only be disaster.

Any time we as Christians follow anything that is not biblical, we are walking out of safety and from the care of the Lord Jesus who wants only our best. Our spiritual "senior center" may seem restrictive but "out there" is not safe.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Only Good Things From God

(Be sure to read this all the way through so I'm not misunderstood.)

Several weeks ago, as we prepared for daughter Darcy and 22-month-old grandson Raphael to arrive, we laid out on the floor all the knives we could find and put ant poisoning in a dish for dinner, and....

Before I get too far fetched (I'm even making myself uncomfortable) I'll stop there. Because, of course, as we made the house child proof, I took all the knives out of the lower drawers and put them high in the cupboard, we don't have any ant poisoning around at all anyway and anything else that was dangerous, we removed. We even removed things that weren't dangerous but he could damage. We made the house child proof so that we wouldn't always have to be saying "No! No! Raffi, don't touch that!" That's no fun for anyone.

As I prepared the house, I remembered James 1:17 which says, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning." (NKJV). God only allows good things in our lives. God removes everything from our lives that is not good for us (knives, ant poisoning, etc).

The problem is that when I experience something difficult (what seems like knives and ant poisoning), I conclude, "God, You didn't keep your promise. This isn't good for me." And so, if He has allowed a trial, I don't cooperate with His purifying process because it looks like a knife. If He has called me to do something in His name that is difficult or risky, I don't cooperate because it feels like I will be eating ant poison.

But James 1:17 tells the truth: God only gives us good gifts.

You get the idea. If only I would see everything that God brings into my life, both difficulty and risky opportunity, as a good gift from God, I would be able to trust Him more and move into it with confidence. How about you? What looks like ant poisoning or like playing with a knife?

I love Raphael so much that I would never consciously or intentionally allow something dangerous. I never want to see him hurt. God loves you so much that He will never allow something dangerous. So if it looks dangerous--it's not! Cooperate with God's purifying and walk through those open doors--even trials. His gifts are always good.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Smile With Me....

I was studying Micah 2 and trying to make sense out of it with my commentary. Then I saw an application for our (hopefully) future book and I wrote in a file for that book (on the topic of "sin management):

"Sin Management comes from not fully facing sin and taking responsibility. I think I find this in Micah 2: 6-11. Basically, the false prophets say to Micah and other correct prophets like him (IE Isaiah): “Don't talk about judgment. God and His Spirit don't work that way. He's a God of love ; he won't bring judgment.” They are like people who rescue people from the consequences of their sin. Sin management says, “Oh it's not that bad. God won't judge and discipline. You don't need to repent. Just do your best. God helps those who help themselves.”


To try to get some further insight, " I turned to The Message and read for Micah 2:6-7:
"Don't preach," say the preachers.
"Don't preach such stuff.
Nothing bad will happen to us.
Talk like this to the family of Jacob?
Does God lose his temper?
Is this the way he acts?
Isn't he on the side of good people?
Doesn't he help those who help themselves?"

I smiled! I wrote down, "Maybe I should write a paraphrase!"

Smile with me! :0-)