Vacation Break

Starting today, I'll be on vacation. Please come back and visit my blog after July 4th. God bless America!

That Old 60's Music--What Did It Do To Us?

OK, another confession. I love to listen to 60's music because...I grew up then! But many times I've really paid attention to the music and today again I was struck by the messages we heard over and over again. You have to wonder what ideas we then-kids incorporated into our thinking because of those messages.

For instance, today I heard:
*Simon and Garfunkel's "I Am An Island." Message: rocks don't have pain. Be a rock. Separate your heart from people and you won't get hurt.
*Dusty Springfield's "Believe Me." The words are something like, "You don't have to say you love me, just be close at hand." Sheesh! Talk about victimization.
*"Cool Jerk" by ?????: basically, do what it takes to be cool. That's the goal of life.

There's so many more. Most of the themes of that era are victimization, love gone wrong, take whatever anyone gives you, etc.

I can't really say specifically how these things affected me, but it's good to think about it.

38 Years Together!

Today is Larry and my 38th wedding anniversary. Well, at least it'll be official tonight at 7:20pm.

We are rejoicing and praising the Lord for His faithfulness over many years. It has taken perseverance but oh, it has been so worth it. When I think of the big HUGE! bump after 7 years in our marriage journey--that almost destroyed us--I am especially grateful that we persevered. Nothing has been as potentially destructive as that. But there are always bumps that create bruises but they heal. Working at perseverance is worth it.

I'm so grateful for my wise, mature, godly husband. I'm most blessed and if I could clone him and sell them, I'd be a zillion-aire.

"Love Me Most!"

First I have to say, I should be embarrassed to admit this but it's true: I watched the first episode of the reality show, "She's Got the Look." It's about women over 35 being in a competition for becoming a model. I confess, I wondered how I would do on that show.
But now that I've confessed, here's my point. One of the women was very upset because she missed her sons so much. She was in tears and wondered if she should be there. In the end, the judges offered her a chance to go home and she took it. But what struck me was something she said. The first: "My kids can't get along without me." I'm not sure how old they are but even over the phone they assured her they were doing fine. They may have even been teenagers.
Then she told the other women, "When each of my sons was three years old, I had them sign a pack that they would never love anyone else more than me their whole lives."
When one of the other women said, "Even their wife?"
She replied, "He can love his wife but not more than me."
WHAT????? Oh my! I was stunned. First of all that she would admit this but by admitting it, without a blush, she was acknowledging that she didn't see anything wrong or dysfunctional about it. She still thought this was appropriate.
Oh my! If I had a granddaughter, I'd make sure she didn't marry that woman's sons. Major problems with the mother-in-law!
I'm sure I have some deep-seated strategies that are just as dysfunctional so I'm going to be alert for them. But I do hope none of us has this particular one.

I had already posted this and didn't think I could find a spiritual application, but I think I did: Jesus has asked us to sign a pack that we will never love anyone more than Him our whole lives. That's what we did when we "signed up" to become a Christian.

That mother on the show had no right to require her sons to never love anyone more than her, but Jesus has every right to require us to love Him the most: He gave Himself as the ultimate sacrifice in the most degrading way for our salvation when we don't deserve one iota of His love. It was pure grace.

If you and I signed that "pact" to become a Christian, then we have agreed that we will not love anyone or anything else more than Him. Wow, that's a tall order. I can't do it; I can only cast myself before God pleading for His mercy to empower me to fulfill His requirement.

Caring or Pleasing?

Larry and I were talking about our care of Audrey (Larry's 92-year-old mother who has Lewy-Bodies dementia and lives with us). I'd rejoiced telling him that that morning I hadn't gotten irritated with her as she complained. I've been learning that when I get irritated/angry/upset about her complaints, it's because I'm feeling like it's a reflection on my inability to please her--to make life good for her. It feels like I'm not doing a good job and/or that I'm not a very good person because I'm failing at what I should be doing.
But then as we talked, we made a distinction between caring for Audrey and pleasing her. We are called to care for her; we can't necessarily please her. We can care for her because that is only up to us. We can do what we think is best for her.
But pleasing her requires her response, her involvement, her assessment of whether what we're doing is correct/right/loving. Especially in her mentally ill state, her definition of good care is not based on truth.
So, we can care for her but we can't necessarily please her. And of course, caring for her is guided by God and evaluated by Him. He is our "audience of One" and He knows the truth (even when she tells us in many different ways we're not doing a good job).
Maybe you're trying to please someone but your job is only supposed to be to care for them, or give them godly love (wanting what's best for them which they may not believe is really love). I hope you'll remember that you can only do what you can do (caring)--and not what they might think is right (pleasing).

God's Work Through Everything

I'm continuing my study of Isaiah and found an interesting idea in Isaiah 29:3: "I will camp against you encircling you, And I will set siegeworks against you, And I will raise up battle towers against you."
God through Isaiah's prediction is telling Jerusalem that it's as if when the Assyrians soon attack them, that He is the very one doing it. God doesn't say, “I will place the Assyrians there around you (like he does other places in Isaiah), He says “I” will be camping...setting...raising up. He's saying, "What is happening to you is me doing it! The Assyrians are my vessels but it's really me and my purpose is to humble you (vs4) so that you'll turn back to me."

I realize afresh that whatever I feel towards Audrey, that is what I'm expressing toward God. If I'm angry and disgusted that she is blocking me from doing that which represents life to me, I'm bucking against God, not Audrey. She is here by His hand, she is not responsible for the “problem” and even would prefer not to be a bother. She would rather not be here at all and that's why she's so unhappy. She is actually more cheerful that I would be in these situations.

Diving deeper means looking at the real source of everything that's happening to us. It's not just a mistake or happenstance—but God's purposes being lived out in the person who is the source of us reacting in any unholy manner. If we can see God's hand in whatever happens to us, and how God intends it to humble us and make us seek Him, then we might have a more holy response.

Raphael turned One!

I'm just reflecting on God's grace, generosity and goodness as I am enjoying our grandson's first birthday this past Thursday. Raphael is a miracle. Darcy had a very difficult pregnancy--being sick for the 7 months until Raphael's emergency birth by c-section. The drs. were concerned about Raphael and Darcy's health and the doctor told me soon after that their lives were in danger. God gave me the privilege of being there for the birth and seeing his little scrawny, 2 lbs 12 oz body from the beginning.

Over this past year, we all have marveled at God's goodness in keeping them both safe. Now Raphael is catching up at a big 19 pounds, standing, crawling and taking his first uncertain steps.

I just want to say "thank you again, Lord!" for sparing their lives. I pray that you will use this child in remarkable ways for your glory and the good of all who know him.
I tried to post photos of him but can't seem to make it work, so go to my daughter's web site if you want to see some.http://www.themodernartofmotherhood.blogspot.com/

Thank you, Mrs. Burke and Mother

Yesterday, I went to a piano recital for two of our neighbor's children. Oh, what memories it brought. I don't know how many piano recitals I played for, but it was a walk down memory lane. It was fascinating how many of the songs the kids played were the songs I learned. There's nothing like Beethoven.
I sat there thinking, "Mrs. Burke, thank you for your patience in teaching me." And Mother, thank you for getting me and Karen and Chuck into piano lessons. I used what I learned in many different ways over the years, including substituting for our organ player at our church--and got paid for it!
It made me think of influence. We all influence the people we love and Mrs. Burke and my mother influenced me through lessons. Taking lessons builds self discipline, confidence, esteem and values. Of course, I didn't know it at that time.
Now the piano I learned on (which my grandmother bought for $50--an 1880's former player piano) is owned by Darcy and in storage. I longed to play it once again.
So, memories linger and even though Mrs. Burke was angry with me when I said I was quitting, I knew it was because she knew how much more I could learn. But other responsibilities as a teenager were crowding out time to practice. I think I took lessons for 7 years. What an investment.
Well, enough of a walk down memory lane. Thank you, Mrs. Burke. Thank you, Mother. Your influence continues today.

Overheard in a Dressing Room

I was trying on some clothes when I overheard a woman say to a child in the next room who sounded about 5 years old, "Isn't this sexy? Won't I get everyone's attention?"
I was so sad. What message had she given to this little girl? Be sexy to get attention. Value sexiness and being the center of attention.
I thought of the conversation Larry and I had had just that morning. One of the men in his men's group has the most darling and vivacious 5-year-old you'd ever want to meet. She is just incredibly bubbly and of course gets lots of attention.
Larry mentioned that this little girl had already learned the strategy of getting her needs met by being the center of attention. Is there anything wrong with a little girl's vivaciousness and being the center of attention? No, of course not, but Larry encouraged this father to help the daughter over time realize that her value isn't in being delightful but in being a child of God.
That's most likely a little bit of a deep concept for the little girl to totally understand, but far better than hearing that being sexy is the way to get attention.
If you are a parent or grandparent, begin early to communicate the value of being a child of God, not just what the world says is valuable.