Quote for Contemplating Pain

We are, not metaphorically but in very truth, a Divine work of art, something that God is making, and therefore something with which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character.”--C.S. Lewis, (The Problem of Pain, page 34)

Review for "Surviving One Bad Year"

I know I already mentioned this book in my last post, but I thought I'd share the review for it that I put on sites like cbd, amazon and Barnes and Noble. Obviously, I recommend this book.

"I was encouraged by Nancie's vulnerable sharing about her challenging time. It was especially meaningful as I've been struggling with chronic pain. Her wise words would help anyone at any time since we all have struggles and challenges, but for those of us who feel like it's a more-than-average difficult time, her message really hits home. The ideas she shares are applicable for every struggle we face. If you flip through this book, you don't really benefit from the depth of meaning and encouragement it offers. I liked how Nancie included both spiritual insights and very practical ideas like taking good care of yourself. Sometimes we just need to have someone give us permission to do the things that should come naturally—but in times of stress we don't. She has included a “Personal Reflection” section at the end of each chapter that could easily be used by a group. And there's also a “New Beginnings Resource” list of insights; plus recommended reading. I've already recommended this book to others. Have it on hand for your inevitable “bad year.”

Analysis Paralysis

As I've traveled this road of back pain, I've sought the Lord for His purposes. Over the 5 months, I've had moments of great insight and yet wondering what I'm missing. I'm currently reading Nancie Carmichael's new book, Surviving One Bad Year, (Howard Books), and she refers to the disciples walking the Emmaus road with Jesus and then writes,

"As the two disciples from Emmaus walked and talked, they tried to make sense of things, to sort them out. And don't we do the same? We try to make sense of our experience, we analyze it: Where did we go wrong? What could we have done to prevent this? What did we miss? Whose fault was it? We can have feelings of failure, regret, and blame. And just plain sorrow. There's a risk to analysis, though. Joseph F. Schmidt writes, 'We are aware that by judging an experience we have classified its importance and therefore controlled its impact. In the process of labeling, we have surrendered to the analysis of the ego and have manipulated our experience.'' (Praying our Experiences, page 44)."

Nancie continues, "In other words, not so fast with the analysis. Wait. Look for Jesus in this place. The One who promised never to leave us nor forsake us, will show up." (page 48).

Nancie's words helped me to release the need to "make sure" I was thinking of everything I should learn. Although it seems a noble quest (after all, God does want me to gain what He desires from the experience), it also had become a self-focused pursuit and a lack of trust in God.

It was a self focused pursuit because I believed I had to make sure the insights came. And it was a lack of trust in God in believing He wasn't strong enough to show me whatever He wants to show me. I don't have to make it happen; I just have to be open and alert to whatever He wants to show me, whenever He wants to show me. And the other day, without me trying to force something to occur, He gently poured another insight into my open and receptive mind.

It also occured to me that the inner transformation He's working in me might not be fully revealed right away. It may be over a long time. I don't have to see or know everything that's going on. I can trust God to accomplish that which He intends for me. That's what Psalm 138:8 says, 'The LORD will accomplish what concerns me;
Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands" (NASB).

God has a plan and has not forgotten what it is.

How about you? Are you trying to figure out God and His plans? Are you in analysis paralysis? Neither of us needs to stress. God is faithful to reveal Himself and His plan. Count on it!

A Cane is Like a Strategy

The pain meds are less effective—minus vicodin. Now it really hurts to walk. I'm going to use a cane. It's great how much that really does help. No pressure or less pressure is good.

Larry just came home from taking his mom to elder day care and said, "Don't use the cane. It will make your leg atrophy more from non use and it will put you out of alignment."

That makes sense. So he has put it away.

His comment made me realized how symbolic using a cane is with how we use strategies to avoid pain. A strategy puts us out of alignment when walking with the Lord--we limp in our ability to stand firm (Ephesians 6). Our shield of faith is off center and doesn't protect our chest because we're leaning over or to the side.

And our spiritual muscles atrophy because they aren't being used. We're depending upon other responses instead of trusting God.

What do strategies look like? Anything and anytime we're trusting in our own protections and devices rather than God's. It looks like anything opposite of the fruit of the Spirit. A sinful, self-protective strategy includes reactions like anger, discontentment, impatience, apathy, closing off our heart in a relationship, worry, fear, manipulation, etc.

I'm not using the cane. I thought it would benefit me but it doesn't. The pain may be diminished but I'm just gaining more problems.

I have yet to relinquish all the strategies I have grabbed onto to protect myself from pain. But I know that's what God is calling me to every day. I'm going to take my shield of faith, stand firm and straight and protect my heart from distrust of God.

No Longer "Miss-don't-Make-Waves"

First read the post before this.

I'm shedding my "No waves" personna. I just called the health insurance referral service and asked about the referral to the surgeon. It has been approved.

I then called the surgeon's office and they've rec'd it but doctor will go over MRI report and then they'll call me to make an appt.

Please pray that these steps will be taken quickly and there will be an appt open soon.

Ascribe to the Lord....

>Last Friday, I'd decided I couldn't wait the additional 3 weeks the pain management doc wanted me to wait before referring me to a surgeon. I was in continuing great pain. So I got up my courage in the Lord, and left a message last Friday even though the doctor's office was closed.

If you know me, you can guess how much God was empowering me to speak up and make that call. Especially since I'm "Miss-Just-do-what-they-say-and-don't make waves." God inspired me to act. (Thanks also to my friend, Kat, who I'd been talking to last week and encouraged me to take action.)

I really didn't have much hope that I'd hear from them Monday because they are horrible about returning phone calls. At about 8:30 Monday morning, in response to my message from Friday, the scheduler called to say she had a cancellation that afternoon. Could I come in? I felt like I had a huge kiss from God. A cancellation at the last minute doesn't happen often because people have to wait 3 or more weeks to get into this doctor.

But I was still afraid the doctor would say he couldn't refer me until longer. But no problem; he treated it like it was a no-brainer. I was ready to have to fight for it. Larry was in the room and maybe that helped. Why on earth at my 3rd cortisone shot he had originally told me he couldn't refer me because the cortisone would have to get out of my system before I could correctly be assessed---I'll never know. I'd begged him to make it earlier. But now, no problem to get a referral. A little frustrating.

Well, I was really so grateful. Besides my hope in the Lord, I have hope for relief. I trust it's God will for me to get relief through surgery. No guarantees, I know, but at least there's forward action.

As I turned to Scripture and the Psalms to put to words my gratitude to the Lord, I found Psalm 29:

Ascribe to the LORD, O sons of the mighty,
Ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.
²Ascribe to the LORD the glory due to His name;
Worship the LORD in holy array.
³The voice of the LORD is upon the waters;
The God of glory thunders,
The LORD is over many waters.
⁴The voice of the LORD is powerful,
The voice of the LORD is majestic.

I want to ascribe to the Lord His power and strength in being in charge and giving me grace and mercy at a needed time. Please pray that I can get an appointment at the surgeon's office as soon as possible.

43 Years of Walking with Jesus

Forty three years ago today, October 1st (it was 1967 then and I was 18!), I became a Christian. I specifically asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. I'm grateful for the foundation I'd received from going to church as a child, but I hadn't really committed myself and understood the full Gospel message. That day I more clearly knew I was a sinner in need of a Savior. It was a great day and began a journey of learning more and more all these years.

On that day, I must admit that a lot of my motivation was hoping that receiving Christ would mean I could manage life better--maybe even become perfect! Well, now after 43 years, that myth is totally out of the equation. There are ups and downs; curves and mountains. But that just keeps me trusting God.

I sometimes remember what it was like before I became a Christian. I was guilt-ridden, blaming myself for everything, and trying to earn my way into heaven and earn God's love. How wonderful that I'm free from guilt and can ask for forgiveness and be cleansed as soon as I sin. I don't have to beat myself over the head for what I do wrong trying to earn back God's love. I know that His great love for me and you is totally unconditional. It is not based on our performance. Someone said, "There's nothing you can do to make God love you more and there's nothing you can do to make God love you less." Knowing that, I think, is the biggest difference.

I think it's good to reflect back to where we were and the burdens we carried before we trusted Jesus for salvation. It reminds us of the difference between a striving life and a surrendered life. There's still problems and uncertainty, but there's an assurance of His help and future glory.

I can apply that principle to my journey in pain. When I focus on the fact that I can't sit--it's just too painful--I can get discouraged and think God hasn't answered my prayers (and those of you who have prayed--thank you very much). But then I think of what my pain level was before He began healing me through various means--the latest: my second cortisone shot.

Originally, I was in so much pain that I was taking vicadin continually along with 800 mg ibuprofen every 8 hours; now I only take one Alleve. I can get up and down without gritting my teeth. I can lean over to wash my face without grimacing. There is progress!

If you sometimes feel discouraged because you haven't reached perfection in your Christian walk or you keep struggling with the same issue; just remember--in God's power, you have made progress.

The Apostle Paul in Galatians 6:9 encourages us with, "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." I tend to apply that verse only to doing good for others, but couldn't we also apply it to our own sanctification process of "doing right/good"? And as we persevere, we will reap holiness and closeness to the Lord.

Don't become weary!