Little By Little Is Good

My friend, Gayle Roper, blogs about widow-hood at Widows Journey (www.widowsjourney.com). Even though I'm not a widow, her insights into her challenging season of life are a blessing. It gives me even greater appreciation for my wonderful husband, and I better understand the difficulties of my friends who are widows. 

Recently, one of her posts spoke to me so much that I wanted to share it with you. It has a spiritual application that applies to all of us. Here are her words:

"As you know, I’m living in a new house. There is no landscaping yet since the house was finished in December, too late for grass. As a result I’m surrounded by dirt, dirt and more dirt. In a bow to keeping the dust down and the mud controlled, straw (or hay—how do you tell them apart?) was spread over the dirt.

"They say that this week they are going to start putting in lawns for my place and the surrounding homes. They plan to rake up the straw and put down seed. Then they will water it until the seed germinates and a true lawn begins. I say, why not sod? It’s quick and efficient, but they say it’s also prohibitively expensive.

"In lots of ways my 'lawn' reminds me of being a widow. When this new version of my life began, I felt barren and bleak, like the view outside my windows. My personal landscape held none of the beauty and vitality of what I had known for years.
 
"The straw spread over the dirt is sort of like the daze, the haze that settled over me in those early months, protecting me, holding me in place when I felt like I might blow away in any wind that gusted in my direction.

"The sod is like my wish for a quick end to my grief, but it’s not wise to look for the easy way because it’s too expensive emotionally. Grief has to be allowed to move at its own pace, just as the seed for my grass must grow at its own pace.
 
"Eventually I will look out on a healthy green lawn that will grow stronger every year. Eventually I will look at my time of grief and see I’ve become a healthier woman, a stronger woman, a woman with a deeper understanding of God’s love and concern for His people.

"A good outcome to that gives purpose to the ugliness."


Gayle's insights remind me of Exodus 23:28-30. The Israelites are getting ready to go into the Promise Land and God says something surprising:

I will send hornets ahead of you so that they will drive out the Hivites, the Canaanites, and the Hittites before you.  I will not drive them out before you in a single year, that the land may not become desolate and the beasts of the field become too numerous for you. I will drive them out before you little by little, until you become fruitful and take possession of the land. (NASB)

Sometimes it's hard to think of God being satisfied with step-by-step progress--planting seed for a new lawn. We think He only wants the instant and total sanctification of sod. If His power is sufficient for everything, we wonder, then why can't we conquer every sin instantly? 

But just as the journey of grief that Gayle is traveling serves a purpose, so does God driving out the enemies "little by little." If we became instantly perfect, we'd no longer need God's help. We could become proud of our progress and we could judge others for their lack of success. Yes, the "beasts" of pride and self-sufficiency could easily become too numerous. 

Are you seeking or longing for the "sod" of instant perfection, gratification, or seeing all of the future? I encourage you to seek the purification of "little by little" progress. Make small and reasonable goals and be grateful for God's work--even though it seems small at times. Appreciate the small changes of good in others. And enjoy challenges for they are driving you to Jesus's feet in humility and neediness.

God is growing a healthy lawn of holiness in you! 

(Images courtesy of markuso and cbenjasuwan from FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Stepping Stones of Challenge Become...

Are you going through a very difficult time? Does it seem purposeless and unneeded? Is it a time of questioning what God is doing--or even questioning God's wisdom and sovereignty? 

We've all been there at one time or another. Such is life, yet at the time of the struggle, we think life is unfair and out of control. And yes, maybe even out of the control of God. Why would He want us to go through this pain?

A few weeks ago I had the joy of reconnecting with a good friend and when I asked her how things were going, she told me life was really hard. More specifically, she explained, her job was in transition and she faced some major challenges. 

Then she said, "But guess what? God prepared me to walk through this seven years ago. At that time, I spent a year of agony working for a person who made my life miserable. I couldn't imagine that it could be any worse. It might have been the most horrible time of my life and I wondered what God was doing.

"But now I know. That year of being challenged prepared me for moving through this current difficult time with grace and confidence. It all makes sense now and God has shown Himself faithful."

I was so happy for my friend. It's not always that we get to see the purpose of the things we're going through. Most often, we have to live by faith, trusting that God knows what He's doing.

So be encouraged. You may not see the Big Picture but God does. He knows exactly what He's doing and the purposes for His glory and your good that He's accomplishing. The stepping stones of challenge that He lays before us become the pathways for transformation. And He always appreciates "small steps." Zechariah 4:10 says, "For who has despised the day of small things?"

And remember the wonderful promise of Jeremiah 29:11: "'For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'"

I hope that you can look back through the pages of your challenges and see God's hand. I'd love to hear from you--if you'd make a comment, even briefly. 

(Photo at  Image courtesy of [image creator name] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
)

Are You Infected with the Dreaded PFS?

We're continuing our discussion of the Woman of Sidon (I Kings 17). We've discovered that she was feeling shameful for some sin.

So she said to Elijah, “What do I have to do with you, O man of God? You have come to me to bring my iniquity to remembrance and to put my son to death!” (verse 18)

This woman, in the grief of her son's death and because she has been carrying the guilt of a past sin, is reacting in shame. And the specific way she is reacting is something I call the dreaded PFS. Curious? PFS stands for the Puffer Fish Syndrome. You know the puffer fish, don't you? Here's a "normal" puffer fish:  

He's swimming along having a great time. But then danger strikes. He feels threatened. His reaction? This:

God designed his protection but God doesn't want you and I to use the same strategy. Unfortunately, we do. And shame is a major cause of PFS. As we studied in our last post, we feel exposed, threatened, and vulnerable, and our reaction is similar to the puffer fish. The Woman of Sidon reacted by putting the focus on Elijah. We can't tell for sure from her words if she was angry or just accusing, but she definitely was no longer trusting God. She was bristling as she tried to deal with the guilt that she had carried for so long. And now that hidden sin had caused her son's death--she believed! It wasn't true but she believed Satan's lie. And she comes out with a swing at Elijah.

When we choose the Puffer Fish Syndrome, we might react in several different ways:

• pour contempt on someone else
• criticize someone else
• blame God for our circumstances
• defend ourselves
• withdraw our heart from reaching out in love
• be angry and yell, scream, or just raise our voice.

Sound familiar? Basically we hide or we attack. That's the dreaded PFS. And we all do it. And it's often based on feeling shame. Instead of exposing ourselves by confessing our sin and asking for forgiveness, we puffer-fish-it as a means of protecting ourselves from being seen in a way that we fear: as worthless, valueless, powerless, incapable, etc.

What can we do? 
Come clean! Confess! The Woman of Sidon did something right: she voiced her long-held shame for the first time. She talked about her sin. Doing the very thing we dread most is the cure for shame: we must expose our sin. 

Here's the scary news: confessing our sin to another person or trusted group is the most effective way to have freedom from shame. Such sharing breaks the bondage of the secrecy that shame feeds upon. Yes, this is so extremely hard, but the relief that comes is worth it!
 
(Remember what I wrote in the last post: some shame is based in experiences that were not our choice: we are victims. That is something we don't need to confess. But interestingly, talking about what happened can set us free from the feelings of shame.) 

Claim the forgiveness and cleansing that Jesus provided on the cross. There is hope! We are not without a solution. Whatever we're ashamed of is exactly what Jesus died for. Don't believe Satan's lie that our sin is more than Jesus's redemption can cover. The feeling of shame makes it seem like that, but it's not true. Every sin can be forgiven. 

And we can believe that the Woman of Sidon's sin was forgiven also. And in God's graciousness, her son was restored to her. Through Elijah's actions, the boy was healed. 

Elijah took the child and brought him down from the upper room into the house and gave him to his mother; and Elijah said, “See, your son is alive.” Then the woman said to Elijah, “Now I know that you are a man of God and that the word of the Lord in your mouth is truth.” (I Kings 17:23-24).

What rejoicing! What a relief! And what truth! Truth is the vehicle of freedom from shame. We must say, "Now I know..." 

• Now I know that my sin is covered by the blood of Jesus and I am set free from shame. 
• Now I know that nothing separates me from the love of God--even the sin I'm ashamed of.
• Now I know that what God says is true and He says I am forgiven and cleansed--as if it never happened.

Yes, it's going to take time for the feelings of shame to dissipate, but as we continue to claim our inheritance of being blameless, we will be free from the bondage of negative feelings.

I started out examining the story of the Woman of Sidon with the theme of faithfulness. I didn't know God would divert it into shame.  
Today, what "now I know..." do you need to claim? 

The next time the dreaded PFS starts to strike you, ask yourself, "What am I ashamed of? What am I trying to protect from exposure? I'm going to claim God's forgiveness and cleansing instead." 

(Photos: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Puffer_Fish_DSC01257.JPG  and http://freewallpaperspot.com/22-puffer-fish-wallpaper.html.)

Faithfulness Blocked by Shame

As I prepare this post for later publication, my husband, Larry, and I are looking forward to speaking for a second time at an adult Fellowship Class. Our subject is shame and it's fun to me to see God's timing because that is what was going on with this Woman of Sidon. (See the two previous posts on this theme). The Woman of Sidon is experiencing shame. Let's see again her reaction:
 

So she said to Elijah, “What do I have to do with you, O man of God? You have come to me to bring my iniquity to remembrance and to put my son to death!” (I Kings 17:18).

That is the reaction of shame! The sin or embarrassment that she has been carrying over time now erupts into two primary reactions:

1. She lashes out at the person who seems to be threatening her (man of God). She exclaims, "What do I have to do with you, O man of God?" To her, Elijah is the agent of the exposure of her secret. In truth, he knows nothing about it--as far as we know. 

2. She feels exposed for all to see and know about her sin--and she believes the current "bad" thing is connected to that sin. She accuses Elijah of bringing her sin "to remembrance" and to bringing about the death of her son--even though Elijah was no where close when her son died. (Read I Kings 17 for the complete story).

All this has happened after she has been experiencing God's miraculous provision of unlimited flour and oil over two years during a famine. It might be hard for us to be compassionate toward this woman because we could easily think, "Why couldn't she trust God after all He's done for her?"

But it's because shame negates our trust in the goodness of God.
  
This Gentile woman has been carrying this burden, most likely fearful that someday the knowledge of her previous sin would be revealed for all to see. Additionally, the consequences she believed she deserved would be piled upon her. That's a heavy burden. And it has now destroyed her faithful trust in God.

Dr. Dan Allender in his book The Wounded Heart writes, "Shame is a dreaded, deep-seated, long-held terror come true: what we have feared has actually come about." Shame is when our deepest fear about our valuelessness and worthlessness is confirmed and exposed. And everyone experiences shame to some degree.

Because shame focuses on our own sin and seems to offer no forgiveness, we believe we deserve punishment and have a hard time believing God would want to forgive and cleanse us. The very nature of shame makes us want to hide and Satan uses one of his very powerful techniques of "secrecy" to keep us in that dark hole. 

"Don't look at me! Don't see the truth about me!" we cry. 

And Satan says, "Yes, don't let anyone see you. And especially don't volunteer the exposure of your sin because everyone will then know of your lack of value, likeability, etc, etc." 

Sometimes, our shame is based in our own sin and sometimes it's based upon a sin that was perpetrated upon us. We can ask for forgiveness and cleansing for our own sin and refuse to cooperate with Satan's lies.

The sin of someone else that was perpetrated upon us is not our sin. We are not responsible and it is not necessary for us to ask forgiveness. We did not choose to sin. We were a victim. But Satan covers up that truth through lies like, "I should have prevented that" or "Something I did contributed to the sin." 

For the shame that is based upon victimization, we can stand firm against Satan's lies. It'll take time for the feelings of shame to dissipate but in time they will. 

Next time we'll talk about the dreaded PFS--which is how shame is expressed. The Woman of Sidon was infected with it. You can find out if you are too. (Be assured, everyone is!)

Photo:  http://www.helpingpsychology.com/guilt-shame-and-public-life

Faithfulness Blocked by Guilt

I would love to sit down to a cup of tea with you and hear your thoughts about the Woman at Sidon. (Go to previous post for the beginning of our conversation about her.) Maybe you'd scowl at me because you think I'm being too hard on her. Maybe you'd defend her considering the huge loss of her son. Or maybe you're thinking she should have more faith and trust in God. After all, look at how faithful God has been in providing for her! 

I think we all can relate to her. There are times when we trust God's faithfulness and other times our faith crashes. We wonder, "Why can't I remain faithful and solid in my trust?"

One answer to that question is when we make assumptions. Let's look at the woman's comments again:  "So she said to Elijah, “What do I have to do with you, O man of God? You have come to me to bring my iniquity to remembrance and to put my son to death!” (I Kings 17:18).

I notice that this woman doesn't ask any questions. She doesn't say, "Elijah, what is going on? How can this be happening? I want to believe God is always good, but why is He doing this?"

She doesn't ask questions--she makes assumptions. She assumes that her conclusions about the current event is true. And at the foundation of her assumption is a long-held guilt and hidden sin. She believes her sin is finally revealed. What she'd tried to hide for so long is finally uncovered and discovered. 

In her thinking, it's as if God has taken notice of her when previously His eyes were blinded to her sin. Now He suddenly sees and exclaims, "Wow! Look at that woman's sin! How did that sneak by me all these years? Well, my blessings are gonna stop--that's all there is to it. Whatever made me think I should bless her? I made a big mistake. Off with her son's head!"

Now that lie is something I can relate to. Because in the past, I feared exposure. I feared that somehow God was not seeing my sin and it was just a matter of a short time before He'd slap his forehead and say, "What have I been thinking? Why didn't I see Kathy's sin before? I certainly don't want her to think she's forgiven. That will never do."

I'm so grateful that this lie doesn't affect me like it used to. I think I can honestly say that it has little influence upon me now. I'm very, very grateful because that's a horrible way to live.

Unfortunately, that is the way this Woman of Sidon had been living. How very sad. Because God doesn't want us to live like that. He wants us to be free! We are free of condemnation and fear of exposure. Romans 8:1 tells us, "There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus"! 

Yippee! God's eyes are not blind and at the same time, our sin is removed as far as the east is from the west through the redemption gained by Jesus on the cross. By the way, "where the east meets the west" is impossible to find because we are always going east or west. They don't actually meet. So God can't find those forgiven sins. Isn't that fabulous?

If you are living under the burden of fear of exposure, be assured that God is not loving you because He is unaware of some sin. He is loving you in spite of being aware of ALL of your sins. Nothing is hidden from Him and all of your sins are bundled together, covered by the blood of Jesus! That's amazing! 

Commentators Keil and Delitzsch write of this Gentile woman:

In this half-heathenish belief there spoke at the same time a mind susceptible to divine truth and conscious of its sin, to which the Lord could not refuse His aid. Like the blindness in the case of the man born blind mentioned in John 9, the death of this widow's son was not sent as a punishment for particular sins, but was intended as a medium for the manifestation of the works of God in her (John 9:3), in order that she might learn that the Lord was not merely the God of the Jews, but the God of the Gentiles also (Romans 3:29).

This woman assumed that her calamity was all about her! But her calamity was all about God! It was God's means of glorifying Himself and revealing His wonderful nature--especially that His love is for everyone--not just His chosen people. 

But her guilt blinded her to what was really going on. She felt ashamed and did not yet feel forgiven. 

In my next post, let's see what else we can gain from the Woman of Sidon. 

How Can We Stay Faithful?

Are you like me? Sometimes you pass the test and sometimes you don't? In reading in I Kings 17, I recently saw with new eyes someone who went from trusting God to abandoning that trust. The story is familiar, but read it with me:

"Then the word of the Lord came to him [Elijah], saying, “Arise, go to Zarephath, which belongs to Sidon, and stay there; behold, I have commanded a widow there to provide for you.” So he arose and went to Zarephath, and when he came to the gate of the city, behold, a widow was there gathering sticks; and he called to her and said, “Please get me a little water in a jar, that I may drink.” As she was going to get it, he called to her and said, “Please bring me a piece of bread in your hand.”  

Here's a photo of Sidon today.

 
First notice the immediate responsiveness of this woman. Even though we're going to find out that she is on a death march, she does what the prophet says. Although she lives in a Gentile city/area and is assumed to be a Gentile, we assume she must believe in Jehovah because of what she says next. And whether she recognizes Elijah as a prophet we don't know, but she knows he is a Jew (by her words). 

So, she starts out really well. She is responsive and believing. Let's continue:

But she said, “As the Lord your God lives, I have no bread, only a handful of flour in the bowl and a little oil in the jar; and behold, I am gathering a few sticks that I may go in and prepare for me and my son, that we may eat it and die.”

I can't help but notice the seeming calmness of her words. She's not hysterical. She's not even upset. She's matter-of-fact. She is at peace by being surrendered to the death of herself and her son.  

Though she knows Elijah is a prophet, she doesn't ask him to intercede or change her situation. Should we take from this that she knows of Jehovah and even believes in Him, but she doesn't look to Him for her personal needs? Possibly. Let's go on:

Then Elijah said to her, “Do not fear; go, do as you have said, but make me a little bread cake from it first and bring it out to me, and afterward you may make one for yourself and for your son. For thus says the Lord God of Israel, ‘The bowl of flour shall not be exhausted, nor shall the jar of oil be empty, until the day that the Lord sends rain on the face of the earth.’” So she went and did according to the word of Elijah, and she and he and her household ate for many days. The bowl of flour was not exhausted nor did the jar of oil become empty, according to the word of the Lord which He spoke through Elijah.

I so admire this woman. She obeys without a question. I would have asked, "Are you sure, Man of God? But don't you know there's a famine going on and everyone is hungry? And by the way, I'm not even one of your countrymen, I'm a woman, and I have no status in society. Why would God want to provide for me?"

Sound like someone we know? Like the Woman at the Well? hmmm. Except that the Woman at the Well had some objections. This Woman of Sidon didn't. Good for her. She's doing well.

But we're not finished yet. Two years pass. In the midst of a continuing famine, the woman and her son are never hungry. The flour and oil are not exhausted. This woman continues to see God's miraculous provision and her faith must be growing stronger and stronger. Then verse 17 continues the story:

Now it came about after these things that the son of the woman, the mistress of the house, became sick; and his sickness was so severe that there was no breath left in him. So she said to Elijah, “What do I have to do with you, O man of God? You have come to me to bring my iniquity to remembrance and to put my son to death!” 

Commentator Barnes gives this insight: 

What have I to do with thee? - i. e., "What have we in common?" - implying a further question, "Why hast thou not left me in peace?" The woman imagines that Elijah's visit had drawn God's attention to her, and so to her sins, which (she feels) deserve a judgment - her son's death.

Commentator Clarke writes, 

 To call my sin to remembrance - She seems to be now conscious of some secret sin, which she had either forgotten, or too carelessly passed over; and to punish this she supposes the life of her son was taken away. It is mostly in times of adversity that we duly consider our moral state; outward afflictions often bring deep searchings of heart.

Reading these comments, how are you feeling about the Woman at Sidon?  

What do you think of her seeming lack of faith and trust? 
Does it seem like she's forgotten all that God has done for her? 
Do you, like me, relate to her--when a deeply disturbing event can shake our faith and trust? 
Do you think she's forgetting to be grateful? 
Or do you want to defend her?

Think about it. Can you relate to her struggle? Maybe you also had experienced God's amazing grace yet when trials came, you struggled? Give me your comments, if you'd like. 

We'll continue in my next post.
  
Photo found at  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sidon

Boston Bombers Were Outside Their House

Here is an interview with a couple who were in danger during the shoot-out in front of their home between the Boston marathon bombers and the police. I'm praising God for keeping them safe. This reminds me to pray for God's work when I hear of events taking place. 

Click here 

or go to: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2013/04/21/the-boston-bombers-were-outside-their-house/